One thing I have held back from mentioning in my posts is my deep insecurity over Mr. Smoochy. Looking at his bag of tricks the other night really brought it home to me how little experience I have. And how little I fit into his world. This man, who is used to all manner of kink and perversion, volunteers to spend his free time with me. Why?
The one thing that I am secure about is our friendship. Clothes on, I know that he enjoys my company as I enjoy his. Clothes off, I wonder. I know our sex isn't bad for him, not by any means. If it were, he wouldn't have been coming back for more. But why does he come to me instead of the girl who wants to be set on fire? Or the one who (reportedly) can come from her neck being held like a kitten's? Or the one who likes to be paddled until her skin bleeds?
I have no sex tricks up my sleeve. I have no talent for other peoples' orgasms. I can barely manage my own, and often fail at that. I am not the world's best blowjob, or tightest pussy, or kinkiest painslut. What makes what I have to offer better than that? That which he has had before, that which he can still have.
Saturday, August 11, 2007
*whap* post-scripted
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3 comments:
'kay, here's the thing. I don't know Mr. Smoochy, I just know what I've read that you've posted. You judge where and if I'm off base.
I'm not going on a limb to pronounce Mr. Smoochy a male dom. The amount of experience you have or don't have, or what you have in your bag of tricks, will probably matter little to him....it's his own bag of tricks that counts.
This is not a bad thing, if this is what you want. If it's what you really want, then it could be a very good thing.
Bringing out his whole bag 'o stuff the other night was to judge your comfort level and experience (if any) with what was inside. I don't *think* (and bear in mind, wtf do I know, I don't know him), I don't *think* anything that was put away was put away for good. It was put away until the "time is right". Having no experience can be more charming to a dom (think "virgin") than your own bag of tricks.
If you guys are friends, I think it's appropriate to have a conversation about where he intends to lead the relationship. (I'll eat my hat if he doesn't have intentions to *lead* it *somewhere* )
You may or may not want to go where he intends to lead....
And, motherly advice, judge him by his ability to be honest and forthright with you about his intentions. Don't be led by someone who turns out to be duplictious. /motherly advice
hugs, E
E! So nice to see what you have to say :)
That is an insightful way of looking at things, that it's his bag of tricks not mine that is of interest to him. I will have to think on that.
Mr. S is honest and communicative almost to a fault, so I have no worries on that front. Of course, that doesn't mean I will shut my eyes to anything that comes in up the future.
He is so communicative that I think the only reason we haven't had a real "where are we going" conversation is that he does not himself know. I am content for the time-being to take things one step at a time, and only consider whether I want what's immediately presented to me.
You have given me lots to think about. Thank you!
Well, good and hugs.
You know that I'm loathe to dispense advice. Also, one of the few things I'll place a value judgement on is honesty.
I think there's a lot of fun to be had on both sides of the d/s fence, as long as that's what everybody involved wants.
Wish you all the best.
E
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