FTN asked an interesting question: "Do you prefer compliments on your kindness, sense of humor, and how you interact with people, over someone telling you that you've got pretty eyes, beautiful legs, or a sweet ass?"
Being starved for attention as I am, any kind of compliment would be dearly appreciated. Although being the fool that I also am I would probably turn into a blubbering mess if a man ever did give me a compliment related to my body. The question brought to mind a moment with Mr. S in which I very nearly did break down, but for all the wrong reasons.
My body has never generated compliments. Despite a well-endowed chest, a pillowy rear just begging for a good smack, wide hips, long legs, and even a decently attractive face, my physical form might as well not exist for all the notice that it gets. The one exception is my eyes. I am forever hearing about my "pretty eyes". Yes, I know that sounds ungrateful. But that is the phrase, every time. These eyes of mine are apparently never captivating, sultry, intelligent, or deep windows into the soul. They are just pretty. That compliment is such a copout, such obvious searching for something -- anything -- nice to say that I have nothing left but derision for it.
Some days ago, I was happily slurping away at Mr. S's cock when he felt the need to bring out this particular chestnut. As soon as it said those words, those hated words, his cock turned to ash in my mouth and my heart broke just a little. It occurred to me in that moment with the full force of Truth that if this man, my friend, my healer, my lover, this man who obviously somehow thinks me attractive, if he cannot find physical beauty . . . then no one else ever will either.
I will never have the words I so long to hear.
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Pretty Eyes
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4 comments:
oh my
oh my
miss thing i feel terribly that you feel this way and the one thing i know for sure is that whether you're ugly or not you sure don't feel very good about yourself.
have you considered exercise for the physical and mental boost it will give you? the endorphins released tend to get you feeling better regardless. sex helps too *g*
for the record and to be extremely clear: i do not mean "why don't you fix yourself up a little"
i do mean that exercise is one of the most powerful mood enhancers we have and you milady need a boost.
and it sucks.. thepretty eyes thing? it fucking sucks.
There have definitely been times in the past that I haven't liked myself well at all, but I think for the most part these days I have learned to like (if not exactly love) myself. A truce of sorts, if you will.
The agony of it is that no one else seems to see me in a likable way.
As for exercise, I am well aware of the benefits. I get even more moody and miserable if it's been more than 48 hours since my last jog :)
well m'dear then i guess you're going to have to be stuck with pretty eyes.
i'm glad to know that you take care of yourself, challenges are a little easier to face in a healthy body.
i am getting to love after spending thirty plus years getting to like. after like i think the love comes easier...
I hope you're right that love is easier, because I'm not sure it's worth all that effort all over again :P
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