Ghosts

I logged on to my IM client this afternoon, and who should I hear from but Mr. Marine?

The last I heard from him was his Great Flake-out a year and a half ago. Complete radio silence. Nada. Zip. Zilch.

He claims to have been doing two back-to-back tours (where, he didn't say and I didn't ask), which being a Marine and all means 14 months. So the math works. Except the internet is crawling with lonely and bored soldiers ... it doesn't strike me as beyond reason that he could have sent a message out. If not "Hey, I miss you" then at least, "Hey, I'm deploying, see you next year."

And, I'm still on his contact list after all this time.

So, wtf?

Flakes and Aches

So, Mr. Marine is on my ignore list.

I was this --> <-- close to changing my flight to go see him when he announced that oh-btw he will be out of town the only days I could be in town. I don't know what his deal is, or what he gets out of this now-we're-friends, now-we're-not game he plays. But I'm done. I wash my hands of his asshattery.

About the time I wrote my last post, I was talking with Mr. S about the situation. He advised me not to go out there due to previous asshattery. But then he comes out with this gem: "I'm advising against it because I think it's a bad idea. Don't think that I'm jealous or anything, you can shag whoever you want. I don't care about that."

Ouch.

I certainly wasn't expecting this married man to be suddenly overcome with fits of possessiveness, but in my book light jealousy is an expression of caring. For him to say what he said was disappointing on so many levels. Even in the most casual relationship, I think it's inevitable that you care who your partner is with . . . ultimately it's like you'll be with them too. For him to say it didn't matter to him . . . it's like I am less than casual to him. Ow.

And all the more Ow because what we have isn't exactly casual. I think he treats it more lightly than it is for my "benefit" but I know for sure that Mrs. S is viewing our thing as true polyamory and not just hooking up. So what's with the not caring?

The healthiest thing for me would be to find my own local relationship. But I haven't the foggiest idea how to go about making that happen. I wouldn't even know where to find eligible men in my area, let alone how to attract one of them. *sigh*

Back From The Dead

I got an IM from Mr. Marine before the weekend. It wasn't quite the only one that I've had from him since my last post about him; relative to his previous zero effort he's made a great improvement in communicating regularly, even if it is no more than once every week or two.

In this IM of his, he brought up the notion of my coming to visit him. It just so happens that I am flying out west to see another friend in a few weeks -- I am seriously considering rearranging my travel plans to see him. In his favor is the fact I have yet another friend geographically between him and the first friend that I would like to see and had been feeling somewhat guilty about not including in this trip.

Since he has a record of being flaketastic, I told him if he still wanted after the weekend for me to visit, I would see about making it happen. Well, today I heard from him and he still wants it. I think I will go ahead and see him, but not because I'm desperate to see him. It is a fine excuse to extend my vacation away from the Midwest :)

Boys can be so stooopid!

Mr. Marine IM'd me out of the blue yesterday morning. I have no idea why. We've had one txt conversation and one IM conversation since he left in June. So he wanted to talk and was really quite charming about it . . . despite acting as though our last conversation had actually been recent.

Eventually this false buddy-buddy tone got on my nerves ... I called him on it, saying real friends don't disappear for a month, and ... he blew up at me. Mr. I'm-A-Nice-Guy-I-Never-Lose-My-Temper had himself a tantrum over how clingy I've been (wtf?), and after a good bit of ranting finished with: "and what effort have you put into this? I'm the one who cleared my schedule to see you, I'm the one who flew out there. Where have you flown?"

*sigh* In a way, Doofus has a point. He did put forth a significant amount of effort and resources ($$) to come see me. On the other hand, Doofus is a doofus and also AWOL from my life for the last month. I think I have a legitimate point in that true friendship is not formed on five minutes a month.

So after all this Mr. Marine logged off in a huff. I have no idea whether or not I'll hear from him, or when it might be. And you know what? For once that's ok with me. I am vaguely annoyed that he got sex from me out of this deal, but I really don't need or want him in my life.

"Boys can be so stooopid!" -- Mrs. Smoochy

On Droughts and Fog

I abhor the flash-flood nature of my (love)life.

Dotty has disappeared into the ether. I haven't heard from him since right around the 4th when he suggested we go out.

GH and I managed to go out, but I haven't had so much as an IM from him in the last week.

I decided earlier this week to take the initiative and invite Jackson out. It should be no surprise to you that he completely blew me off with a litany of why he wouldn't have time to get together. This person was coming to town, he had to meet with that person, he had his son one night, he was going somewhere the other night ... yadda yadda. I don't begrudge anyone a busy life, but I firmly believe that people make time for the things they want. As he didn't even bother to suggest when he could meet, it is apparent that Jackson is not all that interested. I will ask again in a few days just in case he had a flaky moment, but my money's on the answer being the same.

I sent an IM to Mr. Marine last Monday, after not hearing from him since the day I dropped him off at the airport. He waited until I was offline again to respond, and he gave me a load of ultra-lame hooey about how he'd been sick since he'd returned home, and had been going to bed every night right after work. WTF? No one is that sick for an entire month. I am officially writing him off.

What is so very wrong with me that no one is interested? If I had a clue, I would fix the problem.

The Spinster Gets Laid

The Invisible Spinster had a visitor this week.

A man I had been corresponding with online for a few months flew across the country to see me for a few days. A Marine stationed in California, he can satisfy the brain as well as the eyes. I was a little startled when he first suggested a visit soon, but when I consulted Mrs. Smoochy about the idea she said his type tended to favor Decisive Action and not to be surprised at his wanting to move things forward. So I allowed him to come.

Having spent the last few days with him, I am not quite sure what to make of things. By previous mutual agreement he slept in my room from the first night. Now, don't go getting the wrong idea about the Spinster because of that. Not every internet suitor is allowed that priviledge. But sometimes you just know there isn't going to be that awkwardness (and I was right, too). After cuddling amicably for much of the night it was not much of a surprise when things got amorous. Mr. Marine certainly had his talents and made much use of them over the next several days.

This sort of situation as a whole sends my feminism into paroxysms. In one corner is the Modern Woman; she works like a man, eats like a man, fucks with the same impunity as a man. Duking it out in the other corner is the Traditional Woman; she knows damn well true sexual parity is a chimera at best -- a woman can't "drop trou" with the same speed as a man and expect to be respected.

I think TW may win this particular fight. Modern Woman had an early lead because this visit was for a Limited Time Only, and being coy would have gotten us nowhere but sexually frustrated. Somehow that concession seems to have lost in the long run.

When I dropped Mr. Marine off at the airport, here is what I did not get: an embrace, a kiss, declarations of affection or at the very least a declaration of an enjoyable few days. What I did get: a quick one-armed 'side hug' and a mumble that I think translated to "I'll call you in a few days".

I am confused and saddened that he could go from being inside me and moaning my name in ecstasy to saying goodbye like that in a matter of hours. We shall see what becomes of him, but I will always be . . . .

The Invisible Spinster