As you may have noticed, I follow a number of kinky and alternasex blogs, particularly those about femdom. I myself have no real desire to dominate, although I will admit to the occasional sadistic indulgence. Mostly I follow these writers because I enjoy their incisiveness and wicked wit.
One of my favorites for a good while now has been Bitchy Jones. She has made quite a splash in the sexverse for her vocal complaints about the current state of femdom, and rightly so as there is much to complain about. I am very much onboard with her for posts like this and this, although she did rather lose me with her series "Piss, Blood, Rape, Death". But that's not actually what I want to write about.
I want to write about her latest post. I am all kinds of disappointed that she took the beauty-is-worth-and-power paradigm, which is the central dysfunction between the sexes, and co-opted it for her own whining. Bitchy is right that beauty-desire is a passive thing and not at all powerful itself. But if her flavor of dominance is that she takes what she wants instead of submission being a gift to her, then why not seize her own sexuality? Why must it be so affected by what other people thinking/doing/wearing?
I think it is unfair of Bitchy to condemn those who fantasize about beautiful people. When I imagine (or engage in) submission, it is not to the ugliest man I can find. It is to a handsome man with a big cock. Does that disenfranchise the ugly men with little dicks? Probably. But it's my fucking fantasy. So why does Bitchy take it so fucking personally that submissive men fantasize about a beautiful Domme? It sounds like sour apples.
Moreover, Bitchy's agitation is all the more baffling to me because she does not seem to be lacking for sex partners. In addition to other men, she can indulge herself to her heart's twisted content with Pan. Some of us don't have a single playmate. Some of us are not allowed any sexuality at all.
Talk about the ultimate disenfranchisement.
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Love/Hate
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3 comments:
Hi IS -
I finally delurk on the blog! It's been nice getting to talk to you in email.
BJ is a good friend of mine...and one of the reasons is that she's a real person, another that she cares about other women and what they go through.
Blogging ends up being writing about your own journey. So, the pain she wrote out was real. It's different from my pain, and it's different from the pain of a woman who says "I hate the part where I am smart and beautiful and men never see the smart part and only see my big blue eyes and boobs. It's so painful to be reduced to my physical parts."
Imagine how much that blog post post would tee you (and me!) off.
But that pain would be just as real as anything the rest of us go through, just different.
Anyway, big hugs from me. Figuring out how to fit comfortably in the world around is a j-o-u-r-n-e-y. Making friends along the way is a good thing.
hugs, E
Nice to see you, E :)
I fully recognize that we each have our own demons; I tried not to attack Bitchy personally or her demons with what I wrote.
I have reread her post today, and I still don't like it. Bitchy's voice is normally demanding, cerebral, and endearingly petulant. The voice in that post is lower-case bitchy with a side of whiney.
Am I really supposed to take her seriously when she comes out with hyperbole such as she doesn't "know what [she] ever did to make the world hate [her] so much" over pretty people in porn? Nobody hates her. Nobody is consciously oppressing her. They're just dressing differently.
When Bitchy rails against femdom in its PVC, platform stilettos, and strap-ons because (to name just a few reasons) they 1) look ridiculous and 2) are uncomfortable ... that's a compelling argument. These are reasons that I - the hypothetical PVC wearing strap-on using beautiful Domme - might change what I'm doing.
When she rails against these things because it hurts her, well . . . I sympathize with her pain, but her pain only applies to her. It is not a reason for me to change what I'm doing.
Were Bitchy not so devastatingly capable of articulation, the bar would not be set so high.
When Bitchy rails against femdom in its PVC, platform stilettos, and strap-ons because (to name just a few reasons) they 1) look ridiculous and 2) are uncomfortable ...
Hey, hey! Are you two trying to ruin femdom for us kinksters?
1) They look hot, and
2) They look hot.
C'mon, if Beej can have her fantasy, then I can have mine, right?
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