Gyroscopic Spinsters

I am Teh Suck for not posting for so long.

I am Teh Dork for thinking about blogging while at work.

I am Teh Lay-zeeee for not actually writing thought-about posts.

So, in the interests of breaking my non-posting spree:

This woman sounds like a more extreme version of my own spinning-top moods.

Teh End

* * * * * *

Upcoming posts:
Requiem For A Friendship
Women In Space

Rag Doll

Jealousy. Is it possible to be jealous of an idea?

I am a man-sized woman. As tall as a man, as strong as a man, as hungry as a man, as heavy as a man. An Amazon for the romantic, Shrek's cousin to the rest. And yet I want to be treated "like a woman". Whatever that means. I am jealous of this woman. I am jealous that her belly can be covered by a man's hand.

When a man is larger than a woman, he is both potential threat and potential protector. I am so very tired of "average" sized men: men who are no more than overgrown women, men whom I can push around, men who cannot push me. Men who make me feel more like a body than a woman. Men who make me feel nothing at all.

I want a man strong enough to enforce his will. A man who can pick me up, hold me down, toss me around like a rag doll. A man whose strength confines me, and in that confinement protects me.

Babylon

How many miles to Babylon?
Three score miles and ten.
Can I get there by candlelight?
Yes, and back again.

The Writing On The Wall . . . Is {blank}

I had a long IM conversation tonight with Mr. S. I am both gratified and displeased at this.

As our bellydance classes have started again, Mrs. S took it upon herself to invite the two of them over to dinner at my house this past week. Yes, I had a choice to allow it to happen. Not allowing it, though, would have sent a too-clear signal to her about my true feelings. She is dense, but not too dense to miss that.

So they came, we cooked, we ate, it was a mostly pleasant evening. They were both all over me physically, which I didn't exactly appreciate: Mrs. S because of how I feel about her, and Mr. S because he and I have not had a real conversation since the Doorstep Incident.

So tonight Mr. S logs on because that's what he does when Mrs. S is not around to tell him what to do. It turns out the reason for his freedom is her off catting around. (It was my understanding that one of their Never-Broken Rules was "never leave one partner home alone" ... but I guess that only applies to Mr. S and myself *grumble*). I am pleased to have had one of our old style conversations: long and meandering, easy and without drama. He is simply comfortable to talk to, and I have missed that.

I am less pleased about it in other ways. 1) We still haven't talked about the fact he ditched me for over a month. As I am tired of fielding accusations from this pair of being high-maintenance and demanding, I am reluctant to bring it up. It hurt. It still hurts. I am not done processing it, so we shall see. 2) A good chunk of the conversation was spent plotting how to get him into some other girl's pants. What am I? Chopped liver? He did eventually flirt a bit with me, but only right before realizing the late hour and logging off.

Point number two is a leitmotif in my interactions with men, one that dismays me and I don't know how to escape. Meet Guy, like Guy, (sometimes fuck Guy), Guy starts to like Other Girl, be so cool and non-possessive as to give advice how to get Other Girl, Guy and Other Girl live happily ever after.

It would seem things start to break down at the non-possessive part, but possessiveness -- despite being my natural inclination -- does not work for me in practice. It doesn't seem to work for many women, I think. It only seems to work for the women I am competing against. *sigh*

Second Verse, Same As The First

I am overdue in posting because I have been trying to avoid a New Years post. So, all I shall say on that is: 2007 sucked. Not as bad as 2006, but still pretty bad. 2008 looks to be more of the same. Whoopee. Hence my taking four sleeping pills at 10 PM on the 31st. Unfortunately my Rip Van Winkle moment only lasted until the next morning. *sigh*

In other cheeriness, there was a spate of marriage proposals over the holidays in my circle of acquaintances. Not that I was expecting one of my own or anything, (cuz damn, I can't even get a date) but it sure was "nice to be reminded once again just how far outside the pale of human experience I am.