Invisible

Remember Frodo's cloak of invisibility? I have one too. It's my skin.

Today I was at work, stationed at the cash register. I make a policy of being friendly to all my customers, so I said hello to one guy as he came into the store. You'll just have to take my word for it that at work I am not a mousey person. But this guy, he didn't respond. It was like I didn't exist at all. I tried chatting him up a little, no response. Now some people are just grumpy like that. No big deal, right?

While this guy was browsing, a woman I work with came in to pick up her check. He brought an item to the register to buy while she was there. She says hello, and he responds. When she chats him up, she gets responses. Same fucking questions, only he's laughing and smiling at her.

I am so sick of being invisible.

Number Two

Am I a bad person for not remembering who was Number Two?

Number One

No, this post doesn't involve Commander Riker. Although maybe it should, since he was an early and thoroughly unholy crush of mine. 8 year-olds should not want to do those kinds of things to men pushing 40. Perhaps I should submit him to E for punishment for doing that to my brain.

The Number One in question was my number one. As in The First. My First. Man, that is. If you can call him that. 10 years on, he is now in his third decade and still barely qualifies as a man-child.

I was 17 when I met him and from the first instant I thought he was hot-times-1000. He took a fancy to my fancying him and ultimately I fell in love. I believed his beautiful lies, and within a year or so I slept with him.

I should have known he was fucked in the head when I had to beg him to have sex with me. See, I couldn't get rid of my virginity fast enough. I hated it, I hated the stigma, I hated the inexperience that came with it. We kissed, touched, dry humped, anything except penetration. When I finally asked about it, he recoiled like I'd asked him to do something abhorrent.

I didn't know that's not normal. I didn't know that a "no labels" type of "relationship" meant No Commitment. I didn't know that when he introduced me as "a friend" to co-workers that it wasn't because we were above labels, but because he wanted a crack at some of the barely-legal girls he worked with. I didn't know that people who love you aren't supposed to tell you no one else would have you.

Ultimately, he left me. In retrospect I should have seen a million times over how fucked in the head he was, and still is. Truth should not be a foreign concept. Love should be more than pretty words. I don't regret sleeping with him, only loving him.

In the end, I got my experience.

Spinster Qualifications

What is the difference between an Invisible Spinster(tm) and a Sex and the City type singleton?

Being single is being single afterall, right? Not so much. In a word, the difference is men. More specifically the same action done by a spinster and a singleton, one gets noticed and the other doesn't. As far as I can tell, this applies to still photos as well as real life.

Hello, world

There are legions of us. We are The Invisible.

I am not the girl you flirt with in the video store, nor the co-worker that you crush on.

I am the body that takes up space, but is never noticed. I am your friend and confidante, but never your lover.

Me? I am 27 and the Invisible Spinster.